feels like in the eye of a storm

ok?! yes! i've been too emotional these past few days, you can't blame me... no one can blame me... i see myself now on a peaceful state... i've been too cursing, been mad on this world... and it's not right anymore... there's still something to do, she's not my world, she doesn't control everything about me... thank God i'm still sane despite the insane THING that just happened. i'm still on a shock, still on an inbalanced state... still figurin' out where should i start and stand again... everything around me is still normal. still the society which everyone know, is still as it is... normal things still come, i guess it's how i accept that is not. i still want to be alone, or at least be with my closest friends... i resist anyone, anything... i seldom talk, i always stare into this everlasting gaze. i just hate myself now... what bothers me is why the same thing had happened again, didn't i learn? am i so stupid that i let the same thing happen again? is this my fate? to fail? to lose? to learn nothing? will this be the last? God guide me, please?! i beg You...