high!

hahahaha! buti na lang! may re-test kami sa logic! pano naman kasi, eh diba nga sequential ung test na yun? unang tanong pa lang, invalid na... walang sagot! hahaha! kaya ibig sabihin, di mo rin masasagutan ung mga proceeding questions! wahahah! t*ngna, wag lang sana ganon kahirap ulit ung lumabas... sa wednesday ung re-test namin... mahaba-habang aralan toh! at buti na lang hindi na counted ung quiz na nauna... hahahaha! ako ang batas!!!

nag-usap pala kmi kgabi... i feel like we're close again... and she said something that really pleased my ear... she said something like "trick, ang tiyaga mo!" - means that she still appreciates what i'm doin, or what i still feel for her... hahahaha! chka eto pa... hindi na rin ako nhihiya na mag-sabi s kanya na i like someone other than her... that i'm trying to pursue that OTHER... at ang malupit pa dun eh humihingi ako ng diskarte... sabi p nya sakin na ang hina ko daw, eh bat daw nung siya ung nililigawan ko, ang lakas ng dating... hehe! (kapal!) *wushuuu... gusto mo lang na ikaw ung ligawan ko eh! hehe! joke...*

mood: high!
currently playing: saosin - mookies last christmas
coffee shots: 2...aga pa!

stories and reminisce

kainis! wala kong nasagutan sa logic... leche naman kasi...sequential ung mga tanong, kapag di mo nasagutan ung first question, hindi mo na masasagutan lahat... bwisit na Damian yan... pasira ng linggo... first time ko toh sa buong buhay ko na mag-pass ng papel na walang laman na kahit ano... bwisit tlga! pucha, grabe...1st exam pa lang, ganyan na kahirap? what more kung nasa mapping na kami? o kaya sa registers and RAM?! bwisit! buti na lang marami kami....

monday, ngaun dba? ay kanina pala...ngaun tuesday na... kasi nung sunday, bago ako pumasok sa school, habang nag-aagahan ako, tinanong ako bigla ng mom ko, sabi nya "anak, naguusap pa ba kayo ni abi? nagkikita p b kayo?". im not really comfortable of talking about that, kasi we weren't raised like that... ung family namin eh hindi mcyado open about certain thingskahit papano natutuwa ko kasi hindi un mdalas mangyari, pero lam mo un? i feel really awkward about that situation, kaya tuloy ang initial reaction ko eh ang tumungo at mapipi... after nun, direcho ko sa shower... habang naliligo... wala akong ibang iniisip kundi ung future ko n ksama c abi... na close sila nung mom ko, nag-uusap sila, like a mother and a daughter... bsta...

sunday night din pala, nag-inom kami ni doi... astig...emo mode n nman po ako... i ask him something like "ano ung tingin mo sakin mga more than 10 yrs from now?" nagulat ako kasi sabi nya na sa tingin nya eh ako dw eh magiging successful... ngaun pa lang na pinapakita ko daw na ako ay practical sa maraming bagay, madiskarte, at puno ng values eh 4 sure daw eh mararating ko daw ung gusto kong marating... palakpak tenga ako cympre... and its really uplifting na someone believes in you, in your dreams, in your potential... nakaka-overwhelm talaga...thanks doi! ;)

nung saturday nman, kami nman nila james at don ung nag-bonding... mejo hindi ako naging komportable sa mga pinag-uusapan nila... cympre kasi High School life... na everybody knows na gusto kong kalimutan na. pero kahit papano eh naka-libre naman ako ng tawa dun sa conversation n un... meron pa rin silang mga ugali na k2lad ng dati na mejo annoying na para sa age naming toh... la nman akong mggwa kasi mga kaibigan ko rin sila...

la na...

mood: calm but shakes inside...
playing: the juliana theory - is patience still waiting
# of times i viewed chimay's profile: 29 times...(dang! i can't resist her!)

hopeless romantic...yeah! that's me...

Dami akong tula ngaun na puro tagalog... hehe... i feel hopeless now, and that might be the products of sleepless nights, dreams, caffeine and yes! miss chi'may... you may find this stuffs too mushy and corny and so baryotic... think what you want to think... i don't really give a damn...

ito muna:

Nakatakda na sana ang ating pagkikita
Ayos na sa aking pagaakala
Handa na sanang harapin ang hirap na maaaring madama
At alamin ang kapalaran sa iyong mga mata

Pinaghandaan nga ang araw na ito
Hindi man sa engrandeng paraan
Libong bagay isinakripisyo naman
Na naisip kong mas higit pa sa katangahang ito

Minasdan kita at nakinig
Naamoy at nadama ang lamig ng paligid
Hindi ko inasahang lumayo ka pa
Ngunit nangyari na at wala na

Hindi ko maiwasang magtanong
Alamin ang tunay mong pakay at layon
Ngunit sa paghahanap ng sagot
Mga tanong - naragdagan lang lalo

Mas mahirap pa palang nakikita kita
Nagulat ako at bigla na lamang nag-iba
Nainis ako ngunit ayos lang
Walang sinuman ngayon ang makakahadlang

Ito ang parating sigaw
Ng isang taong uhaw na uhaw
Sa pag-tingin mo at pag-ibig
Ikaw lamang at wala nang iba pang iniisip...


ito pa isa:

Ano bang meron sa'yo
Kahit nakatangang kasama ka'y
Hindi pa rin magawang lumayo
Kahit walang buti'y
Sige pa rin ako

Ano bang meron ka?
Ano itong iniisip?
Larawan mo ang nakikita
Kahit mata'y nakapikit
Katoto, ito pa ba'y tama?

Ano bang meron sa'yo?
Itong nasa sintido ko'y
Alisin mo
Wag' lamang ilayo
Sa akin lang ay itago.

Ano bang meron ka?
Sing' liit ng karayom
Aking pag-asa
Takbo ng oras
Kontrolado mo pala

Ano mang meron ka,
Sakit sa ulo lamang ang dala
Masakit man sa dibdib
Ito pa rin ang aking ibig
Kahit sino nama'y ako'y isagip!

ito talaga:

Gusto kong sabihin ngayon na
Natatakot lang ako sa kanya
At ayokong isipin niya
Na mababaw lang ang nadarama

Tatlo ang aking pagkakabilang
Ng beses na ginawa ang kahangalan
Sa aking pagkakatanda
Ako'y lubhang nasaktan

Matagal ring itinigil
Ang mga ganitong pagiisip
Huli kong naaalala
Ay ang una kong pag-ibig

Ang tanging iniisip
Ikaw na aking laging panaginip
Wala ng iba pang iibigin
Kung hindi ikaw binibini.

current song: b.mcknight - anytime
glasses of milk: 4
i feel: like a dumbass!

the matter gives me afternoon headaches...

i've talked with an ex last night and we talked about things and stuffs that has been a common topic for about 4 or 5 months now... (that's the time we... yes! broke up...) that span of time has been really hard and not easy for me... i often missed a lot of things about us until this very moment... i told her what i still feel for her... but i guess, that might not get the pieces back together... i know it was not easy for her too, but i know that's what she's been hoping and wishing for... i've been honest with her that i've been trying so hard to forget the feeling, and to "move on.." on her terms, but its just not that easy to forget a feeling that you've been sincere and sure about... its not really that simple to forget a feeling that you want to feel for the rest of your daily existence in this life. even some might say that putting something out of ur mind is the most painful and hurting stage one might go through...*sigh*

i must give a nickname for the person Ang(not her real name) has introduced me, from now on, i'll b calling her chi'may... haha! kinda cheap i know... but her identity must really be concealed until the right time comes... about what i feel for chi'may, i'm really attracted to her... i still don't know her that much, but i really feel something different about her...i know its a bit shallow to feel something deeper for a person that we don't actually know, and i know its kinda cheap again... Ang promised to help and support on the matter, but i don't see it... she keeps on asking me to give her load... duh! haha! anyway, its cute..=) luv u Ang!=)

this matter has really given me sleepless nights, and afternoon headaches... and it sucks! eventhough that's the case.. it still gives the chill and excitement, of..u know?! =)

rEMOmmended: Tokyo Rose
current song: learning to breath(switchfoot)
bench press: 75 lbs
i feel: puzzled...

.no.way.

kim introduced me to someone i couldn't imagine she would... her friend added me in friendster, and poof! everything suddenly turned upside down! you probably have no idea how pictures would speak for themselves and say nothing at all...

A picture says a thousand words
A cliche may it sound and one might possibly think
I have six of them in this eternal gaze
But neither a single verb nor a preposition has been heard.
Smiles and smirks are common on those portraits
And one should know - something's hidden behind those grins!
It held a figure of nothing and everything
Or a clue if not an illusion
I see myself in those eyes - maybe the loser or the victor...
Certain now I am - someone might sore in this clash!

current song: they perch on their stilts pointing and daring me (saosin)
frappe and espresso: 2.5 cups and 2 shots respectively...
mood: torned!

conspiracy of frustrations and caffeine

sH*t! this is my third try now.. my f*cking pc reboots itself each time i try to save this... i don't know what to write now! pure sH*t!

i have to deal with remembering all the things i wrote that has all been gone electronically.. its freaking 15 minutes to be 5 am now, and I gotta' hurry coz' I still have a class this afternoon, and still have to sleep at least 4 hours... damn!

i'm here again - for the Nth time now, still looking for a cure on my dilemma over sleeping, sounds cliche for the insomniacs, and seems usual to everyone who's hooked in and FOR the net, and more common for... for the people living in frustrations! ...for me it is and it is not... who the hell in the world will dare to speak for himself and say that he would do anything for her* - not to eat, not to SLEEP, not to do his job, not to study?! in this hand, it IS unusual... on the other filthy hand, consider a schoolboy** drowned and blowned up with caffeine on his veins, and frustrations in his head... he in this case can not be considered cliche. now you see what trouble caffeine have had given him, don't ever let this conspiracy of frustrations and caffeine mess yours too...^grins^

i offer my deepest sympathy for the members of famit (not all...) for the impossibility of their yearning and protests for having a high salary and wage they say that must be equal to or at least like in any other country, i know many like me that is on their side (or may be opposite on what I probably think). i saw them Monday wearing a red band in their left arm, symbolizing... I don't know and care really... haha!

legend:
*frustrations(practically any thought...); femininity was used to prevent further misconceptions on the latter...
**me

rEMOmmended: Watashi Wa
current song: monachetti (further seems forever)
espresso shots: 5.5 (haven't finished my last cuP!)

dead lift

yesterday's saturday and saturday's my last session this week in the gym (yuck! i wish no one cud read this..)haha! its kinda exhausting coz i increased my loads by 5 lbs each exercise, and a freaking 30 lbs for the deadlift (and i think i broke a spine..uhh) ... im really disappointed now coz' even i eat like a pig, i hardly gain any weight...*sighs*

this evening, i missed called every exsisting human life form in my phonebook... one significant figure miraculously gave a damn... and it's kim! i miss this girl so much na, i still remember when she's so blown up by the tons of alcohol that we plunged into during her 18th birthday...haha!

im hearing: junesong provision
squats: 210 lbs

headlines: FRUSTRATIONS

for the time i haven't been able to blog of course, i missed draining my head making stories of insignificant events and experiences... i missed talking about my unparalleled misadventures, and of course, who will defy and dare not to remember the legend of the bakya!

these are some of my headlines for the past 12 weeks that hasnt been published:

- frustrations of playing and making music grows more
- frustrations of gaining weight, still a frustration
- started eating 5-6 times a day, but still nothing's happening
- finally, i have my own space!
- frightened of failing all my subjects; not anymore, coz i've passed all o'them!haha!
- made it out again w/o the commitment!
- i thought i WANT to get over her, but NO i wont get over her!
- sexy new pc!
- stupid MAPUA, they dnt know that they're doing!
- joined a petty org..
- frustrations of joining the mountaineering club, still a frustration too..
- enjoyed NCAA that i didnt during my early years in college..

there, i guess there's still many more; i'll post it later na lang..

current song: saosin - seven years
espresso shots: bout 4?